Sufficient Grace.

I'm back. This has been a long week. I spent the weekend with my hubs (which was Ah. Maze. Ing. ) and since my return, things have been a bit out of sorts.

It's not all bad. In fact, if I really stop to think about it, it's actually all good. Just a bit uncomfortable, is all. Okay, really uncomfortable.

My girls have needed to be, eh-hem, readjusted a few times a day since having 4 days with their grandparents who spoiled them rotten ;)

And my house is...well...it's a wreck.

And there is laundry all over my bed, which hasn't been made in a week.

And I've only made it to the gym twice this week.

And, well the list goes on.

Have I mentioned that I'm a perfectionist? I am. I really dislike that about myself, but it's true. So all of those things I just mentioned...they're driving me bonkers. Like, seriously insane.

I'm a perfectionist who has a lot of flaws. So the thing I'm usually most frustrated by is myself. I can really get under my own skin. It happens quite often. Like, daily.

Did you know that I became a Christian when I was 9? I did. Now, I'm not sure if the reality and importance of that decision hit me till I was about 15, but nevertheless, I professed Jesus to be my Lord and Savior at 9 years old and I believed it without any doubt.

There are ups and downs to coming to know Christ at a young age. And don't misunderstand, I'm not complaining. The ups vastly outweigh the downs, but there are certain trials that come with having been a Christian for the majority of my life.

Knowledge. I've been under some really solid Christian teaching for a LONG time. I'm very blessed to have sat under some very profound teachers. I've learned So much about the Bible, about God and about myself. Knowledge is great to have. It's helped me in talking with others about my faith and its helped me discern my own heart. But it can also be a huge obstacle to a Christian. We can get prideful. We can base or spiritual maturity on how much knowledge we possess. We can forget that our knowledge doesn't save us.

Good Deeds. OH man, that's another one that can really drag us down if we're not careful. We can spend all of our time doing, doing, doing and going, going, going. And as good as good deeds are, they mean nothing if we're only doing them for our own glorification, or in an effort to EARN our salvation. We can't earn it. Our good deeds will never outweigh our bad. It's just a fact of life. Sometimes, we can fall into the trap of believing that if we're "good" enough, then THAT is our salvation. But it's not.

I struggle with these things in an immense way. I like lists. I love to check boxes. I am a perfectionist. I don't like...imperfections, mostly my own. And if I think on all the ways I fail on a daily basis, it could really send me into a tailspin. A reeling, depressing, downward spiral of despair.

But that's because I'm forgetting something.

I'm not saved by the boxes I check, the "to do" I cross off, the knowledge I possess or the things I do right.

In fact, it's in the things I do wrong that my salvation really shines through.

Because, it's by GRACE that we are saved. The imperfections I possess, the more I mess up, the more HIS GRACE and HIS POWER and HIS PERFECTION envelopes me into a strong, warm embrace and says, "Annie, it's okay. This isn't about you...it's about ME."

All that being said, I don't believe we should go hunting down areas to fail in or fall short. I just think, that when we do fall short and fail, because it's inevitable, we don't need to beat ourselves up (or others for that matter). We just need to sit. We...I, need to sit at Jesus' feet and ask for forgiveness and ACCEPT that He's already granted it, and move on, making sure we ask forgiveness from anyone else we've hurt with our impurities as well, of course.

But I think the thing I find I need to remember, is that I'm not SUPPOSED to be perfect. If I could be perfect, I wouldn't need Jesus. And needing Jesus, is kind of what makes my world go round.

I hope that in all of today's ramblings, you found some hope. That was my only goal. For you...and for me as well.