"I have come that they might have life and have it to the full..." -John 10:10b


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Cracked-Pot Mom



I am a cracked pot. Deeply cracked. We all are...some of us just hide it better than others. I don't hide it well at all. My emotions are always on display right smack dab in between my ears and my imperfections are not the kind that can be hidden easily. Sometimes, this makes me mad. But sometimes, it's a relief. People tend to know exactly what they're getting into when they start hanging out with me. Just ask Paul. I laid out my 5 year plan for him on our first date (which included marriage and having 5 babies)! And he still called for a second one...crazy man.

Dandelions

Anyway, I hate my deficiencies as a human. I mean, they make me frustrated and crazy and then all those deficiencies just show all the more. It's a viscous cycle, really. In fact, I can really get lost in them. They can weigh me down in a big, bad way. Do you ever feel like that?

Our neighborhood flower

Sometimes, I look at my poor girls and wonder how the heck, I'm supposed to raise healthy kids!?! Me?!? And yet, they are so forgiving of all of my imperfections. Even when those imperfections affect them to the point where they are hurt by them.

Taking time...

For example, I like schedules and routine and I always have a to do list rattling in the back of my brain. It's a control freak, Type A thing and I don't like it one bit! Why? Because I find that being able to cross something off of my "to do" list often takes priority over teaching my children. Because I too often allow my own agenda get in the way of nurturing their hearts. Because I find myself reacting to them as I go about my business instead of being proactive and making them my business.

Scattering Dandelions

I'm really putting myself out there today. Does anyone relate, even a smidgen?

But here's what it boils down to. I fix my gaze on the wrong thing!!! If I'm not focused on all of my deficiencies and down about that, then I'm focused on fixing them with more schedule and routine and rules. My gaze is on ME!

Eva

No wonder I can feel so un-centered, so off-kilter, so...nuts! I'm not centering myself on the TRUTH. I'm not fixing my gaze where it's supposed to be!

JESUS.

"We all have deficiencies. God created us that way. Why? So that we would learn to depend on Him." - Susanne Scheppman

Isabela

"...'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Izzy

Lord, my imperfections are great in number and in strength when my eyes are not fixed on You. Like the potter centers his clay on the wheel, center me, Lord. Like he pushes and shapes it as the wheel turns, mold me Father. Make your strength perfect in my weakness, just as you've promised you would.

6 comments on "Cracked-Pot Mom"

Anonymous said...

Anne:

You are so right that God did make us all with some sort of imperfection. We can't help the way we were made, but we can tweek it a little. Atleast you are aware of your type A personality. Just take the rest of this week and weekend on throw your list... all of them out the door and really enjoy those two beautiful girls you have. They are a gift from God and he wants you to put them on your list:). I hope that sounded right:). Being a mom is the most important job we will ever have. Love you!!!

Cindy on April 28, 2010 at 7:23 AM said...

Hallelujah. Reminds me of a song that is currently out, "God love a lulluby, In a mother's tears at night, Better than a Hallelujah sometimes"...chorus: "We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody...Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah" Anne, I love reading your blog. You remind me that God took care of you even when I couldn't.

thurmanmom on April 28, 2010 at 7:26 AM said...

I am so sorry to tell you that you and I are much alike. I love my lists, schedules and organization. It makes me feel that I am in control when I know that only God is really in control. It is not all bad. There must be some sort of plan. We just need to be willing to let go of our plan when God calls us in a different direction. God made you the way you are for a reason. Use your gifts for His glory.

Erin on April 28, 2010 at 9:55 AM said...

This was such a moving post, the last paragraph in particular really touched me. Thanks for sharing all this Anne, you aren't alone in feeling this way!

These photos are incredible...your girls are going to be so thankful for your talented eye one day! You capture the most beautiful moments.

The Thrifty Designer on April 28, 2010 at 1:07 PM said...

One of my girls said just this morning
"You are always busy doing work, you don't just spend time with us, like playing a game". (nevermind the hours I spend homeschooling them). But I can totally relate to this post. And my girl is right, I do get busy doing "work" and don't spend enough time in play with them.

Katie on April 29, 2010 at 6:14 AM said...

I love you. And those crackled pots are so much more interesting and enjoyable than the hoity-toity smooth ones.