When God Grabs You

...there is no escaping Him. Praise Him for that. I hope never to escape His long reaching grasp.

This week it seems, the Lord has really been dealing with me. I find myself to be a chronic worrier. For so long I've looked at my worrying tendency as a quirk. Something not so great about me, but tolerable and sometimes, maybe even cute. An imperfection, yes, but not as bad as other potential imperfections.

Well, I no longer see worry that way. It's a disease in the worst form because it doesn't just plague you physically (which it can in my case, I find myself physically exhausted after a day of worry and fret) but it plagues you mentally and spiritually. In it's purest form, it is a lack of trust in God. It is the belief that He doesn't really have it all under control and that somehow, by worrying, you are keeping awful things at bay. Worry seeps in and tells you over and over again that perhaps it isn't all "for our good" (Romans 8:28)

Where there is worry, there cannot be the peace of God. So all this time, I've wondered why it is that I cannot find the "peace that passes all understanding" and all this time it's because I have worried. I have not handed my anxieties over the Lord in prayer and petition (Philippians 4:6-7). I have told the Lord and myself that I have it all under control. And God knows, and I know that I certainly do not!

I'm reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" right now and the book could not have come at a better time. This is a time in the life of our family when there are so many unanswered questions that need resolving in the very near future. Things seem to be "down to the wire" and because of that, my mind has conjured up all sorts of negative scenarios. Joanna Weaver so wisely states in her chapter on worry that "worry comes from focusing on our situation rather than our savior."

How many times have I quoted Hebrews 12:1-2 believing in my heart that I believed the words of the anonymous writer. "...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that easily entangles us and let us run with perseverance...let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." How can you believe that, how can you really throw off everything that entangles and and fix your eyes on Jesus and still have room for worry? You can't. Where there is worry, there is no faith. The two cannot coexist.

It's a harsh reality, I know. I've come to conclude that my faith in the Lord is so much easier when things are as they should be in my feeble mind. But as soon as one area goes off kilter, the downward spiral of my mind and heart begins. And this anxiety is hard on relationships. For if you cannot even muster up faith the Creator of Heaven and Earth, how are you supposed to muster up trust in the people you love and who love you? When worry overtakes you, so does self-absorption and self-absorption does not breed good, healthy relationships.

So, there are the ramblings of my heart..the convictions of my soul. I'll throw them out there into the virtual world in hopes that someone might relate and rejoice that they are not alone in their struggle. I hope you are all well and experiencing the peace that passes all understanding in our Lord, Christ Jesus.