Doing What's Best?!?

I want to go here. 9 years after graduating from high school, I've finally decided what I want to do when I grow up.

I was always the girl that everyone thought was so odd. I completely went against the modern phenomena of women in the workforce and women's lib and all that jazz when I mouthed the words on a fairly consistent basis, "I want to be a wife and a stay-at-home- Mom when I grow up." People used to look at me like I was crazy saying things like, "you're selling yourself short" or "okay, but what else?" But to me, there couldn't be any greater joy or responsibility than making a house a home and raising the children you brought into this world with the man you love in the fear and admonition of the Lord. And I still believe that whole heartedly! I wouldn't trade my job for the world! I'm a happy mom and loved wife. No cause for complaint here.

That being said, I didn't get to finish college and the military has been so kind as to offer me a large amount of money to finish school through the GI Bill. And I only have 10 years to use it. 10 years seems like a long time, I know, but believe me, it's not. Especially when you're a stay at home mom with potential aspirations to homeschool.

So much guilt. Isn't that part of our daily lives as mother's though? Guilt. Around every corner, sneering at us through every decision to splurge and buy that $10 shirt from the clearance rack at Target when we could've used the money towards Eva's new pair of shoes or something like it. Or in this case, contemplating sending my kids to school so that I can go back to school, instead of homeschooling.

And so the battle wages on. How much of our doing "what's best for our kids" is really about warding off guilt? Meeting expectations? Performing to the standards that have been set by others who are not in our predicament? How do we know"what's best" sometimes?

Does pursuing something I'd love mean that I love my children any less? I know the answer is no, of course. But then why the guilt?

My friend, Ruth and I used to talk about starting a wedding cake shop when we were younger. I've always loved the idea of cake decorating. Even before Ace of Cakes ever came on TV. Of all the worthy professions out there I've thought about pursuing, nothing gets my engine revving like the thought of a cute little bakery with aqua painted walls and an old black and white checkered floor. There'd be brightly decorated cakes, cupcakes (of course), pies, tarts, and all kinds of retro pastries and desserts. And of course, specialty coffees. I'd hire a few people that I love to be around and we could cater all kinds of events.

Well, no decisions will be made today. I don't really have to take the first step across this bridge until next year when we face the decision to enroll Eva in K-4 or not to. Until then, I'll be praying about this. I'll try not to fret, and I'll try to keep the guilt at bay. I'll be praying the same for all of my stay-at-home mommy friends as well!